oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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