So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
