i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
