I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
