I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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