I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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