i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
