HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
