well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
