I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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