I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
