i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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