By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
