you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
