You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
