You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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