Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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