Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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