Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
