yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
