I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
