omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
