I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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