How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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