I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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