he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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