I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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