he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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