Duck Duck Cougar?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
