I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
