VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
