As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
