This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
