I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
