he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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