My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
