i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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