had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
