So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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