Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize