Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
