I want to have your abortion
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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