she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
