Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
