$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
