i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
