You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
