Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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