I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
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I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
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Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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