we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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