My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
