is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
