You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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