I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
