you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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