Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
