life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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