I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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